Social situations. They’re tough. I always feel like I either say the wrong thing or I at least really want to. For example I was in class the other day, and as class let out I overheard an acquaintance of mine saying that he had missed his bus home. That shit sucks, and I felt for the guy, he’s pretty chill, so for a split second, I thought about offering him a ride home. I immediately decided that was a bad idea because it would probably sound kind of creepy. I don’t really know him that well, you know? And then, after thinking about all that, I decided that it was a good thing I hadn’t asked before I thought about it because I probably would’ve tried to ease the awkwardness by saying something really dumb like “I’m not trying to be a creep or anything. But…I have candy.”
Dates are a good example of when it might be fun to say the wrong thing. On a date, one person always asks the other “So did you have a nice time tonight?” You can never be honest and say, “Eh, about a C minus. The conversation was a bit lagging, but maybe you’ll try harder next time, huh?” Dates are the worst social pickle, because you never act completely like yourself on a date. You can’t let that person know how crass, or vulgar you are, or how much you may or may not talk about feces. I was told once, though, by a date “I feel like there’s a side of you that I’m not seeing. Like I’m getting the nicer more polite side of you or something.” I said, “You’re right. *sigh* Good call. You know what? I’m just gonna lay it all out on the table. I’m a rapist. I frequent Wal-Mart restrooms looking for overweight girls with a low self-esteem to go home with. And in my spare time, I’m a leather-worker. Wow. I can’t believe I told you that. I just feel like I can trust you, y’know? Like I can tell you anything.” Aaaaaaaand that was all a lie just now, I wish I would’ve said that. But like I said before, social dishonesty is the dating policy.
Guess where else you have to cloak your personality? Let’s say it all in unison: RETAIL!!!! Well, I suppose any job where you work with customers really. Day in. Day out. We close at eight. Yes, that color does look good on you. Oh yeah, I know all about that stuff, it totally detangles your hair. And the really crazy part is that almost every single customer thinks you give a fuck about their personal life because….you have one too? I don’t really know why they think that. But it’s wrong. Dead wrong. They don’t know that, though, and you can’t tell them. But you pretend. You pretend to be concerned, knowledgeable, polite, not weird, and totally not obsessed with a dude whose name is Dick Cheese. Because that’s what’s gonna get you some where.
Alex
Dates are a good example of when it might be fun to say the wrong thing. On a date, one person always asks the other “So did you have a nice time tonight?” You can never be honest and say, “Eh, about a C minus. The conversation was a bit lagging, but maybe you’ll try harder next time, huh?” Dates are the worst social pickle, because you never act completely like yourself on a date. You can’t let that person know how crass, or vulgar you are, or how much you may or may not talk about feces. I was told once, though, by a date “I feel like there’s a side of you that I’m not seeing. Like I’m getting the nicer more polite side of you or something.” I said, “You’re right. *sigh* Good call. You know what? I’m just gonna lay it all out on the table. I’m a rapist. I frequent Wal-Mart restrooms looking for overweight girls with a low self-esteem to go home with. And in my spare time, I’m a leather-worker. Wow. I can’t believe I told you that. I just feel like I can trust you, y’know? Like I can tell you anything.” Aaaaaaaand that was all a lie just now, I wish I would’ve said that. But like I said before, social dishonesty is the dating policy.
Guess where else you have to cloak your personality? Let’s say it all in unison: RETAIL!!!! Well, I suppose any job where you work with customers really. Day in. Day out. We close at eight. Yes, that color does look good on you. Oh yeah, I know all about that stuff, it totally detangles your hair. And the really crazy part is that almost every single customer thinks you give a fuck about their personal life because….you have one too? I don’t really know why they think that. But it’s wrong. Dead wrong. They don’t know that, though, and you can’t tell them. But you pretend. You pretend to be concerned, knowledgeable, polite, not weird, and totally not obsessed with a dude whose name is Dick Cheese. Because that’s what’s gonna get you some where.
Alex