Okay, okay, I won't blast you guys with my faggy poetry anymore. But here's the thing: I'm feelin' real introspective over here. Dave "The Softball Coach Wonder" always tells me, "Why don't you fucking blog about it." Well I think I will, Dave. So shut it, and I won't have to tell everyone that all those tricky psyche out pitches are just...well, shitty pitching. Ready for my first subject of bloggy reflection? Morality: what is it, where does it come from, and is this something that we're potentially going to have to bomb into submission? Well first off, I can tell you this: one thing about morals is that when you're a good person, if you get a glass of water, you fill up the fucking water pitcher in the fridge. You don't fill it up every time, and we're up shit creek with no ice cold filtered water to drink. Second thing: Get off the internet. The internet is just an invitation to kick morals right in the dick. Not only is it a pedophile harboring, narcissism perpetuating free-for-all, but it's a time sucking black hole. You ever accidentally googled google? The first five links are to Google.com. Why do they even have that option? Hopefully they're just trick links to a page that says "Get up and go outside, you knuckle dragging mouth breather." Anywho, one thing I love about morals is that there are enough of them to have a fresh set every day (no one likes crusty stale morals)! Crisp fall day? I'll take Islam for 500. Burkas are nice and toasty. The sun is high and you're sweatin' in August? I'll have the sheer flimsy morals of a suburbanite Christian family, please. I only point out religions as sets of morality because most people suck their morals out of the closest religion, like a thirsty wildebeast who can only find a mud puddle in the desert. Why? Because everyone is scared shitless of going to hell. You know, that place where you're eternally in public, and your asshole itches like crazy, but you still live in your home town and someone from high school might be watching, so there's nothing you can do? I don't blame them. I once heard a Christian ask, "If you don't think you're going to hell when you die, why do you try to be a good person." Thank Buddah this guy is a Christian. But death and hell seem to be inseperable butt buddies. No death is free from the blackmail of being cast into hell if you don't get the God-goods (remember the three Chuh's: Christ, Chastity and Church). And being in hell is something that only happens post-mortem? Quit your bitching, you war-torn, disease-ridden, starving African children. It gets worse. Be grateful that you can still scratch your asshole without your old dance team seeing. Death is a weird subject because nobody, fucking nobody, knows what it is, or what happens, but everyone is willing to accept an explanation from another human being. Who also has no idea. At what point did someone decide that they had an idea of what was going on? And for what reason did the people around that person decide, "You know what? I bet this guy knows. I don't know why, but I got a good feeling about this." I imagine it happened something like this: There were cavemen, right? Sitting around a fire. Eating a brontosaurus burger. They start grunting about death, and one is like, "Man, it's weird how we just stop like...talking, and moving, and not rotting." and another says, "Yeah, I bet we actually stay alive somehow after death, and the majority of the population gets tortured for...I don't know, like masturbating or something. Forever. We should just act like some parental figure is watching us all the time so we won't masturbate, and then we won't have to be tortured." And not one single person said, "Listen, I think that's the most retarded thing I've ever heard." And BOOM! Here we are with three major religions that stem from the same damn book, relentlessly trying to send eachother to hell, constantly trying to up the ante of whose morals are stiffer, and therefore more hell-avoiding. When will morals stem more widely from a more organic worldy place (...critical thought?)? Mystics and wise men shouldn't have the monopoly on this way of thinking. It's all so very silly, you guys. So very silly.
-Alex
-Alex